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She hadn’t done anything to me.I skipped dinner and went to bed early, feeling light-headed. I knew I’d been running on rage and adrenaline all day. I wanted to sleep, but I kept hearing her bantering with the men she was fucking.I watched the sunrise and I poured myself a cup of the cold coffee I’d made yesterday. It was rancid, but I drank it cold rather than make a fresh pot. I didn’t think I’d ever eat again. Maybe that was how I’d kill myself, I thought miserably.Sunday afternoon, Jennifer’s parents came to take her car away. I watched them from the Master bedroom, looking from between the curtains. Neither of them tried to come to the door. I hoped she was happy. I was going to have to leave the house at some point. I got in my car and left to go drain our bank account some more. I noticed that there’d been no activity on the balance since my withdrawal on Friday night. Maybe she felt too guilty to touch it or maybe she hadn’t had the thought that it might be something I’d. It took me so much longerto become who I am today.I say discomfort because I am inclined to understatement, but I hadendured facial surgery grind my skull and jawbone to a feminine shape,and pull my skin and scalp, I had endured surgery to my throat to changethe sound of my voice and the line of my neck, I had breasts insertedand my groin turned inside out, and my whole body was plucked or burntto destroy hair and modify my skin. In short, there was hardly a squareinch that was not in pain when they had finished, but I was alive. And,when I was ready, I was still engaged in my business too.Coral visited me in my agony, wrapped up in bandages in our own sick baybed. She outlined her plan. It would involve instruction and practice,in the dark arts of womanhood.I remember hearing her words without listening, wondering how I had beeninside this woman so many times for so much joy, and now that couldnever happen again. But could I function sexually as a lesbian? Isuppose I only.
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